How to Spot Red Flags (and what to do when you spot them!)

One reason we end up dating or staying with emotionally unavailable partners is because we miss or ignore the - sometime subtle - signals that someone is not ready for healthy connection. These subtle signals, along with the more obvious red flags often present themselves in the early stages of dating.

When we like someone, we often start to paint a picture in our mind of who they are and how we would like them to behave. In the early stages of dating, we can't possibly know what someone is truly like (because it takes time for someone to demonstrate who they really are - consistently - over time) and so our brains start filling in the gaps based on what we've seen so far - and what we would like to see in the future.

In psychology, this is called confirmation bias . We look for the things we want to see in a partner or situation and if something presents itself that’s not ideal - and not a fit to the image we have created in our heads - we can wish we hadn’t seen it and choose to ignore it.. That's where the problems start... our brains will start to turn a blind eye to anything that doesn’t support the fantasy we have of this person. That's why it is important to not get carried away in the early stages of dating and to give people time to reveal who they truly are.

In the video below, I chat to Amy Waterman of Your Brilliance and we discuss in more detail red flags, how to look out for them and what to do when you do notice one.

Jump to Topics of Interest

1:23 How Laura came to create QuitDatingIdiots.com 2:34 Why are we attracted to idiots in the first place? 4:51 Your head versus your heart 5:28 Red flags to look for 7:08 Don’t ignore your gut 11:33 Boundaries and breaking things off 14:35 Why having a conversation is better than making a judgment 16:35 Laura’s blog and coaching 18:08 Trust yourself